Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize