he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This is my gift to your gina
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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