I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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