We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
