i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
