If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
