Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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