Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize