your thong is hanging out like whoa
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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