things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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