also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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