I am puke
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
