Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
