I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
