just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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