We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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