I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize