I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
where does the pee come out of this thing
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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