i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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