im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
