she woke up with a sticky ear
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
