Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
