He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
