I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
