My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
