I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
