I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
