Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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