Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
