Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
