3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
