is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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