i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
