how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
