fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
