are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
