I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
