there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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