He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
