Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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