I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
