dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
