I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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