Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize