Your tits are I can't wait for
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
