"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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