I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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