Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
