Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Randomize
