ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
