You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
