i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
