i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
