so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
