I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
