we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
