i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
