If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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