This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
