Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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