Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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