I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
