and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
