The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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