the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
