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So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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