he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Did I show you my penis last night?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
