idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
