what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
