She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
