if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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