We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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