I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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