Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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