Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
