how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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