Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
