I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
