btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
