dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
