the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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