Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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