my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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