If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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