I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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